The funny thing about Hospitals....

Hospitals are not normally a place you would think to find humour.  As life would have it I am now employed at the very place that I couldn’t look at for years. I guess life is funny like that. Funny weird not funny ha ha but at the very least I can say I am facing my fears.


I have found it to be a place that has kept me mostly smiling for the past year and it kind of makes sense. I love stories and this place at any one time has at least 700 new stories and that is just the patients. 

I think people who can’t afford to go on back lot tours of their favourite movie studios should grab their kids and go visit a hospital. Honestly I am not saying that everyone there is peculiar looking but I can guarantee you find some interesting characters – especially if you have an imagination like mine.

I worked for a little while in the geriatrics and rehabilitation unit and let me tell you, if they let that place go to hell a little and everyone talked and walked a little slower – you could film a horror movie there no problem.

There are a lot of old timers with missing limbs or worse missing memories.

I was sitting at my desk when this guy in a wheelchair rolls up and stares at me.  This guy had lost both legs but not his smile; so he was automatically rewarded with one from me.

“Hey smiley” he said to me holding out candy, his arm fully extended making sure his offering was as close to my face as possible.  I had just watched him slowly pull out the two offending candies from his pockets. It looked like perhaps they were previously in his mouth or melted, I am no PI but the strings of goo that connected the two lollies suggested my theory was solid.

“Want some lollies?” he asked.

I of course smiled masking my ‘completely grossed out’ face and kindly declined. Then I watched him roll up to the next person and the next person offering them candy. Now I know what you are thinking because I can guarantee you I thought it too, he is the guy from the van!  I wish I had access to the FBI most wanted database. I am pretty sure... it’s very possible that I would get a match if I crossed reference his face against that guy our mums’ warn us about when we were kids. Never take candy from the old man in van kids, no matter how nice he is. It’s him guys.  I know it. ;)

Another night I heard whistling coming from the hallway. I ignored it because I have seen that movie, you know the one where the stupid girl follows the music down the creepy hall. Every time she is surprised to find the serial killer jumping out of the shadows…every time.

I ignored it for the first hour then I kept asking the staff about it, you know as casually as possible…

”Do you hear that creepy whistle?”

“Yeah room nine.” Said one the nurses finding nothing sinister about someone whistling a slow version of Kill Bills ‘twisted nerve'.  

I went to investigate, shut up this was real life, no way there was a serial killer in the dark, unlike in the movies I made sure all the lights were on and waited for one of the nurses to walk in that direction before I walked into room nine.

There sat an old man on his hospital bed, sweaty hair, in need of a shave and just rocking himself as he whistled and stared at the wall. He stopped whistling and looked at me.

I smiled. “Hi, everything ok?” I asked.

He smiled and simply said “Yes”.

I turned around and walked towards my desk, halfway down the hall he starts whistling. I may or may not have run the rest of the way back. I will admit to laughing quietly to myself, what the hell was that? I suspect that the likes of Tarantino and King spend a lot of time in hospitals.

This and their actual pay rate leads me to believe that Nurses are severely under paid. The things they are asked to do and the grief they get in return deserves an internet campaign with the power to crash the twitter verse. They should at very least get a hug after every shift and more money, definitely more money.   Picture washing Mr Whistler and then argue against a pay increase. I dare you. One thing is for sure the Nurses in that unit are salt of the earth. In fact when I am old and demented I hope I get to freak out some Nurses as caring as they are.

They are interesting people Nurses; did you know they call each other sister? I thought it was strange at first, then one called me sister and I said no I am not in a habit……of being called Sister. Get it ‘habit?’ like the nuns wear… no neither did she, I of course laughed.

The amazing thing is that they continuously ask each other if they are OK. “Are you OK sister? Can I do anything for you?” It almost brought a tear to my eye the first time I heard them interact. I am not kidding you, these guys are tight. Can someone tell me what the suicide rate of Nurses are compared to other professions, I suspect with this much support its low. It’s always “Are you OK day” for Nurses.

 

I am in the orthopaedics ward at the moment...talk about funny bones.

TBC